The First

people keep asking, what is it with you and this first love talk ?

to those who asked this, i bet it's either because you've felt this first love and failed, 

or you haven't felt it at all.

first love is different for everyone, the way it comes, the way it sticks around and the way it made you jump at it. but that doesn't make one person better than the other in this first love case.

and to everyone, the way they think about first loves are different also.

some may think it wouldn't last forever.

some may think it would last forever.

some may think it was just the first try.

people think differently based on what they've been through.

First love.

to me, first love is beautiful. and i can bet that most of the people that has been in my shoes, walked the path that i did, would say exactly the same thing.

The reason why we think first love is beautiful isn’t because its people we first loved were actually handsome or pretty. It’s because we were unconditional, innocent, or a bit stupid at the time of first love.

And because we know that we can never go back to that young, passionate time of our days.

first loves make your memories seem so much fun.

but First love is also harsh. Without any calculation, we throw ourselves with passion until at some point, we finally come to face failure. But it is at the same time dramatic. It comes with inexplicable feelings that we never get to experience again.

So, first love becomes the most dramatic moments of our lives.

It’s okay to fail, though. Tragic stories stays longer than “happily ever after”. It’s nice to have that wonderful tragic story as one chapter of one’s life.

First love is a period of time. and It never comes back.

If the next love comes, time has to yield for that new love. It might not be as innocent as the first love, but it would be a little more mature, due to the pain suffered with the first love.

“a person who dreams of love, is the one who waits”.

And a person who waits can recognize the love when it comes near them. Physically and mentally, they would recognize it as they’ve felt so before.

But after the romance, the real life comes in. innocence gets dirty, passion gets cold and youth gets old with wisdom and experience.

So first love becomes a part of one’s exhausted daily life.

That’s why first love looks like it can’t be accomplished. Only the one who’s willing to give everything else up for It or give it up for another love after that will try their best whenever they get the chance.

even if they fail again.

But like I said, it’s okay to fail. It’s okay not to be okay. that is what makes you a human. 

it even makes me a human and also make those other people walking around you, passing by you everyday, a human.

A human who needs love to live.

i, too am a human.

a human who -at least- admits that she, too has tasted what first love was like.

a human who knows when to say the things in her heart rather than to lie to herself.

have you ever thought that, whenever i talk about my first love, i feel the pain as much as everybody else does when they talk about their first love ?

talking things out helps the mind to find a way to solve things.

so i'm doing just that. 

i haven't got over my first love. it only seem like i have.

but at least i'm trying. i'm trying as hard as i can, even if my "as hard as i can" won't reach your standards.

i'm trying.

but i guess i failed. 

in my first love, i mean. not the 'trying to get over' issue. i'm still trying that, though.

actually, i bet none of my friends can guess which one was my first love ?

the one i loved for 9 whole years, or the one i waited on for 4 years ?

or was it the one that i met for 1 day ?

my first love, didn't work out. simply because it wasn't for me. maybe it was meant to be for that girl. so i wish you good luck and do your best. because it isn't coming back if you leave it.

it's okay, though, that i failed.

because i've come to learn that maybe if my first love wasn't meant to be, 

maybe someone else is waiting for me to be their first love.

who knows, right ?

you, and i, we're both humans, aren't we ?

so i bet you understand me.

my first love.

just ended with this post.