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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

thE hElpEr :)


She helps every each and one of the people that came to her, seeking for answers. She never turns down any of them.
It’s not because of her nature… but her heart itself…

She has a heart of a gem, always thinking of others before herself.
She sheltered those who cry, she cheers up those who needed sunshine, she guided those who was lost and smiled for those who needed encouragement…

It’s never easy doing so… as she knew, she could never fulfil each and every single one of the problems.
But she tries. She tries very hard, sometimes even harming herself…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Stop doing this, you’re not helping at all”, people would say, time and time again.
Whenever she hears that, her soul crumbles… but her intentions never wavered. She changes her ways and again, she tried, again and again…

“You’re helping her but I’m left here, forgotten”, some would say.
But again, she tries harder. For both sides, again and again…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She knows…
She knows that people’s intentions and thoughts are always different… but she also knew that their hearts have always been the same…

Everyone wants the best for themselves.
Everyone wants to reach to the top.
Everyone hates being left behind.
Everyone doesn’t want to leave anything behind, either.

She knew it very well…
Because she’s been there… She’s been at the very bottom of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like it always happens, when helping others out, we will be rewarded…

[ WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND ]
[ YOU’LL GET WHAT YOU GAVE ]

But that was never her intention. She never wanted to take back what she’s given… she never asked people to repay her… she never questioned people of her deeds…
She was sincere…
But no one knew about it. No one had the slightest idea of what she’s been doing… they ignored her presence, they ignored her help, they ignored her good-will…
Yet, she never gave up.
________________________________________

During cold, winter nights, she would worry about those who weren’t warm, through the heat of summer evenings, she would worry about those who burned…
She was selfless…
And look where it got her ?

She made it.
She made it to the other side, where the grass was greener…
She made it with her own effort with her own sweat and tears…
She wanted to scream, “I told ya I’d do it! Look at me now, world!”….. but she didn’t.

She knew she did her best… and that was just what she wanted. To do her best.

Well, she wasn’t ignored now…
so instead of screaming, she whispered to the world…

J I told you so J

TRY


What does it feel like to quit ?
________________________________________________________________

It makes no sense to ever quit in life... because life’s too short.
You don’t get many chances.
If you fall, you have to stand up by yourself, because waiting for someone to come along to pick you up will only shorten your life span.
So use every chance you get to the fullest. Even if it’s just for a mere second.
Like they say, [ EVERY SECOND COUNTS ] !!!

________________________________________________________________

I’ve met a guy who does nothing but TRY...
He made a mistake... to his best friend... but he ran away from it, scared of what’s to come because he knew his best friend would forever hate him after that...

The problem never resolved.  It came back... hunting him, pestering him, provoking him... to solve it.

He was scared.

Even so, he didn’t wait any longer. He didn’t wait for his best friend’s second chance or sympathy or anger towards him. [ No more running ] he thought to himself.

He was still scared...

Scared that he might screw up again... leading to losing his best friend, again... so he went firm on himself, thinking, [ I’ll try my best and stay on track ].

So he tried and tried, hoping that the time will come... for his best friend to truly forgive him...

Until that time comes, he’ll try anything within his power and strength to protect his best friend, keeping the loyalty they had since a long time ago...

Even when his best friend did nothing but hate him, he tried.



And at last, he made it. He made it to the peak of his best friend’s trust and loyalty...




NO FLOWER WOULD EVER BLOOM WITHOUT GETTING WET IN THE RAIN...
NO RAINBOW COULD EVER BE PRESENT WITHOUT GETTING THROUGH BULLETS OF RAIN DROPS...
NO PERSON WOULD EVER CHANGE TO THE BETTER WITHOUT GETTING SOAKED
IN HIS TEARS DROPS...
NO SMILE COULD EVER BE MADE WITHOUT FEELING THE PAIN BEFOREHAND...



_NOTHING SWEET WILL EVER COME TO LIFE IF THERE’S NO SOUR PARTS TO MAKE IT COME TO LIFE_

Monday, 28 January 2013

AnOther One


ANOTHER ONE

Again, she found another heart that was too good for her…

She knew it had to be him. The moment she read his text, she knew he was the perfect fit for her style…
But she never said a word… she was worried… that she might be making the same mistake…
Like she did, once upon a time…

________________________________________________________________________

Even now, the guy she lay her love on… would always be one of the kindest, nicest, most charming type…
Also the one that would never pick her.
She knew… yet her heart didn’t waver… it would fall for the same type…
She could never blame her own heart, even if it did betray her, time after time...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

He was young…
They met by accident, confused over somebody’s number, they started to get to know each other well…
They fit like a glove…
She had a kindred soul, a fragile little heart yet a hard shell outside… she was likely the type that deserves an award for her acting on looking fine even when she wasn’t…

On the other hand…
He was… decent, sweet, a gentle, funny and charming personality… he also had all the things a smile would need… like they would say,
He was = SUGAR + SPICE + EVERYTHING NICE
There was no way she could ever avoid him… he had her number, ah heck, he had her attention, not to mention her heart and soul…!

______________________________________________________________________________________


Fate was like threads leading from her heart to his…
It kept pulling her toward him, but never his to hers… well at least that was what always happens to her…
‘Please… stop pulling on my heartstrings…’, she would beg fate…

______________________________________________________________________________________


So she tried to ignore her feelings…
She tried so hard…!
So hard that her heart hurt so much, every time she tried to put a lid on her forever over-flowing pot of feelings…
She knew she wasn’t enough for him, like she always was, to everyone else…

______________________________________________________________________________________

She knew she had to do it. She just had to…
She knew she had to leave him.

Technically, yes… she had to…
Because she saw it…
She saw that glint in his eyes went he saw her there… the glint that showed nothing more than a hope for a long, forever-contract-style friendship…

She knew her chances was null… so why try ?
She just knew she was going to fail, again and again…
She was never like this, easily giving up… this guy, he really had her… he made her do this, giving up before even trying…
She had totally given up on this whole feeling thing…

_________________________________________________________________________________

She was hoping the sound of this rain would heal her hurt little heart…
She stared at the sky, letting the tears of the night sky flow down her cheeks like it was her own…

She tried to soak her heart with all her tears, like the rain was doing to the flower...
Hoping that it would die of excessive liquid and by the next few days...
It would bloom again beautifully... 

But instead, something was sheltering it, her heart...
Something that was sheltering it from dying of excessive liquid, maintaining the bloom in it...
She never knew what it was though... that was sheltering it...



So she waited there, glancing at her phone as every minute passed by quietly, for a text to come.

She waited, with her lidded pot of feelings… 

She waited, figuring out where did the shelter came from...

She waited... 




Just like old times, she waited…

wE wErE...


                      [  WERE  ]



It’s really unhealthy how much i think about u…
because thinking of u made me hurt…
it hurt so bad that my chest tightens, my stomach clenches, my head spinning…
and my heart, cringing with fear…
fear that maybe this feeling would destroy me, or u, or the memory of us.

u noticed me, u coloured me, u changed me…

u were a part of me.

that’s just it, a part of me… it seeped into my very soul,
making me realize that we already threw our friendship on memory lane.
all those times……

the times between our stupid little jokes,
each and every moment u smiled,
all the times u made me worry…

all those has faded.. 
i wanted to hate u but i couldn’t.
i just couldn’t.
my memories of u won’t let me.
so i held on… i kept on hurting myself..

[ it’s hard CARING for other’s HEART while making sure ur’s don’t BREAK ]

until one day i realized…
…the hurt…
…the pain…
…and all the tears in between…

all of it made me remember,
why i wanted u so much in the first place.

[ THE GREATER THE VALUE OF A FRIEND,
     THE GREATER THE RISK OF BEFRIENDING THEM ]

I saw myself…
in U…

we were the same.
we knew what it’s like to be rejected…
we get pressurized when people hope too much of us…
we do naughty stuffs yet we pitied the bullied ones…
we make jokes of stupid things…
we cared for others like we do of ourselves…
we… we…
we… were, friends… weren’t we ?
that’s us…
remember ?


my own question gripped on my heart..
that’s when i knew, when i felt..

that i never regretted meeting u…

from that day onwards, i vowed… that,
i will keep our memoirs safely in my garden of memories…
i will hold on to the thought that we’ll meet again someday…
i will be strong through life, just like u taught me…
and i will cherish the great moments we’ve been through… 

even if u won’t do the same…

Thursday, 24 January 2013

cLosEr


   “Things are much more CLOSER than they APPEAR”

Everybody has something they want to reach out to. 
It’s either because they want to keep it, or they want to use it.

To some people, the further the object is, 
the bigger their interests to reach out to it.

But to others… that may seem impossible…

Because they’re always too afraid to even try… 

Those people… all they ever need is some guidance, encouragement and a bit of trust…

Trust from the people they keep close to their hearts… trust from them that says they can do it… 
That says they will succeed…

And the trust where, when whatever it was they were reaching was lost, they have someone to lean on… to hold on to… saying it’ll be okay, it’ll be all fine… 

Unless we’ve felt that insecure feeling, we can never judge them…
Truly, we can never judge anything. 
Nothing at all. 

Everyone and everything has their right on this earth we walk all on together…

                                       XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She knew, whatever it is that she’s reaching for, would always slip right from her fingers… It wasn’t fair, she thought…

For people like her, TRYING is a really powerful word, especially from their cocooned world wrapped tightly around them… 

Because she knew, even if she tried, the results are always different, from time to time…

She was scared…

But,

She never intended to try…
She never wanted to try…
She never thought of trying…

Never… up until now…
       
      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

            She never liked people banging on the door or calling her name… maybe it was because she’s never felt what it was like being called as if she meant anything to anyone…
            
But he bangs on her heart’s door, frequently… demanding for it to open for him… 
He left her no choice but to open it for him.

Still, it’s not like she could put all the blame on him… She was wrong too. She thought all he could ever give her was trouble…

Instead, he led her to a path, a path to a more friendly world… He held her hand, guided her there and showed her the best out of life…

She was shocked… 
She would always be shocked when he was with him… 

Because he brought the best thing that ever happened to him first to her… so she could enjoy it too… 
He was like a gem, a precious gem that she couldn’t let go of…
            
Again, she knew she was wrong… for ever falling into a person like him, because she knew he was a gem… 
but she also knew he was someone else’s gem…

And she knew it was wrong to steal…
            
Guilty as she felt, she still held on to his words… the words that always kept her going everyday… like the wind keeping a boat to sail on its right path…

                                        XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            
             Ever so slowly, day by day, she started to change… 
she changed by the colour of his presence. 

She still looked at the world from the same perspective, only now, she saw it with a different eye, from a different angle…

He was changing her… with his frequent banging… his tugging on her hand… his shouts of her name… and his gazes on her soul…
            
        She tried avoiding them… but it was stupendously impossible…

Every step she took further, he took a step closer…
Every word she says harsher, he says it softer…
Every lid she covers her feelings, he opened one door for her…

But it was also different every time she tried something else.

Every step she took closer, he took a step further…
Every word she says softer, he says it harsher…
Every lid of her feelings she lifts, he closed one door for her…

She hated him for that…

He was encouraging her to come closer and closer…      
But at the same time, he goes further and further…

She asked him why… she asks him every now and then, but he never answered…

Instead, he showed her his point of view…
            

          It was like a mirror… her mirror… she saw what he saw… and it was painful…

But it was no less different that hers… he was looking at someone else… she 
knew he tried, and she knew he failed, she felt his hurt, she saw her eyes… he wasn’t in her view…

It was all the same.

Life could never be the same for everyone… but the way it turns out, is the exact same for everyone. Everyone feels things, everyone sees things, everyone knows things…

That’s what he was trying to tell her…
THEY were the same…

Both the things they were trying to reach, would go further if they step closer…
And it would come closer, if they take a step further…

               Instantly, she knew what it meant… what it all meant…

Things may not work out that time, but maybe it was because it shouldn’t be that way…
Things may turn out better… but later, she thought…

The ending might be sad, but the journey, it was filled with laughter and happiness… she was sure it will never be forgotten…

                But for now, she was happy…

After all, she didn’t have any regrets… because instead of nothing, she got experiences, blissful memories, and a friend she knew she could cherish…
                                               
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear you, I hope you will cherish those moments always… I’ll see you soon…